White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
