Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
