Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
