Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
