Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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