it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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