3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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