Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
