lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
