I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
