I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
