he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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