Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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