you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
