I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
