um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
