Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
