yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
