If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
