you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
