My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
