I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
