If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize