So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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