Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.

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(647): View more from Ontario

there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.

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(630): View more from Illinois

it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.

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(631): View more from New York

he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide

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(301): View more from Maryland

A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.

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(302): View more from Delaware

For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.

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(757): View more from Virginia

We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick

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