I'm really into asian looking animals
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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