Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
