you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
