You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
