they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
