Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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