you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
