I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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