My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i now understand why vodka
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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