new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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