he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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