i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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