There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
