the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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