If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you had me at cake vodka
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
