had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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