We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
