Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
