Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize