The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
