i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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