She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
