I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My ass is underappreciated
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
