he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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