so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
