i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
