life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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