dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
