he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
