You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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