Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
