but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
