I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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