I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
