did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
