You work out of a Hotel?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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