in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
