dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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