I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
