plz talk dirty to me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
