Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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