I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
