Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
