i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
