Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
