I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
