Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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