I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
