i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
