You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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