Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
